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Relationships Can be Beautiful or They Can be Messy but Either Way, You Learn From Them!

An Open Letter About Infertility pt.II

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I feel like I need to start off by saying that this is something I avoided writing. Nearly every part of me wanted to continue to put this off and I contemplated just keeping it to myself. I rationalized that keeping it private somehow kept me safe. But the truth is that in order to truly heal I needed to be vulnerable. I had to release it. Life might not always make sense, but I owe it to myself to embrace it and accept it for all that it is and all that it is not.

Second IVF Attempt

In the middle of September I asked my husband if he had any specific birthday wishes. He told me that he would love nothing more than to try a second round of IVF, if I was ready of course. I surprised him a week later with a tracking number for our shipment of IVF medications. By the end of September we had started injections and we were once again full of enthusiasm and positivity about the possibility of this cycle being “the one” and our days quickly became focused around appointments, shots and all things IVF.

Egg Retrieval

During my egg retrieval 10 eggs were retrieved and we patiently waited for five days while those eggs were monitored in the incubator. On day 5 I got a call that only 2 eggs survived, but they were healthy and ready to be transferred back into my uterus. During our last IVF cycle none of our embryos survived so the fact that two had made it this far made us ecstatic. We had two fighting embryos and we decided to transfer them both to increase our chances of pregnancy. I’ll never forgot what it felt like to have my husband next to me holding my hand as we watched our embryos get placed carefully back inside of me. It was one of the most special moments that we have ever shared together.

The Two Week Wait

The next two weeks were exciting and stressful. I wrote daily in my IVF journal about my symptoms and I can’t tell you how many times I talked to those little embryos in my belly and encouraged them to stay strong and keep growing. They might have been just embryos, but they were more than that to me.  They were OUR embryos and the love and connection I felt with them was very real. I even hung a picture of them on our fridge and smiled every time I looked at it. The day before my husbands birthday I went in for a pregnancy test and I found out that I was in fact pregnant. His birthday wish came true. I was in shock, but I remember the overwhelming happiness that flooded every cell in my body. We were over the moon, but knew we still had a long road ahead of us.

Our two little fighter embryos

The Heartache

At our first sonogram we discovered that only one of the two embryos had attached, but we were so grateful for the one that stuck around. The doctor kept me on my medication over the next few weeks and I went in regularly for checkups. At week 7 our baby was visible on the sonogram, but it was no longer alive.  Writing about it now still floods tears to my eyes. We walked out of the doctors office holding hands and didn’t let go the whole drive home. I can’t recall if we even spoke during the ride home. All I can remember was his hand in mine and the emptiness I felt inside me. Over 50 days of injections and my body rejected it all.

The Aftermath

The following weeks were miserable. The miscarriage and toll it took on my body was something I could never prepare for. Any woman who has endured this heartache understands this type of pain and every single one of us are stronger than we probably give ourselves credit for. Women endure some truly painful shit during their lives, but somehow we find the strength to smile and keep going.

Healing

I spent the rest of the year focused on healing both physically and emotionally. I had moments where I was so angry at myself and my body, but I now accept that this wasn’t my fault. My body might not be able to do the things that it is supposed to do naturally, but this is the only body I have. Loving myself regardless of this heartache has been my biggest challenge and reward.

I don’t know what the future holds for us as far as children, but I do know that being parents does not define who we are. We are a family already and today that is enough for me. My husband wants to try a third and final round of IVF, but I need time to heal. The next chapter of my life is still being written and whatever unfolds I know that I’m more than capable to take it on, I’m blessed with all the love and support I need and my gratitude will continue to pick me up whenever I feel down.

Thank you

If you’re reading this, thank you. Thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable and share my story. It’s very hard for me to open up, but sharing my story has let me know that I am not alone. Every infertility story is different, but one thing we all share is the power of community and knowing we are not alone.

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An Open Letter About Infertility

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An Open Letter About Infertility

Opening up about my infertility and IVF journey is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It”s taken me 8 months to tell my story. I am very protective of my experience and my pain which made me very selective with who I’ve shared it with. Every IVF journey is different and so is the pain that comes with a failed IVF cycle. I don’t expect someone who has children, who is pregnant or is blessed with no fertility issues to fully understand the pain that is attached to infertility. If you don’t suffer from infertility it can be hard to understand the magnitude of mixed emotions. The more I talk about it the more real it is, which is probably why I avoided doing so up until now.

I decided it was time for me to share my experience because I know there are other women with fertility issues who need to know they are not alone. There are also friends and family members of infertile women who want to try to better understand what their loved one is going through. Whatever end of the spectrum you might be on, I hope you can find something to take away from my story and perspective.

First IVF Attempt

I’ve dealt with painful irregular periods, ovarian cysts, and endometriosis for most of my adulthood. Last year we found out that a natural pregnancy might not be in the cards for us. After years of trying to get pregnant naturally, without success, me and my husband turned to IVF. We were “perfect candidates” on paper and we were excited to embark on this new journey together. Our days quickly became centered around injections and doctor appointments. My husband and I bonded on a whole new level during our IVF experience. He helped administer injections (and there were A LOT of them), and at night we would lay around talking about baby names and share our visions of a nursery. We were riding this high of becoming parents that it made all the appointments, needles, vials, bloating, and pain seem like no big deal.

The following days after my egg retrieval was the hardest. Pain mixed with anxiety made me extremely uncomfortable and emotional. Our doctor called every day with an update on how our embryos were doing, and none of the updates were positive. Six days later we got the heartbreaking call that none of our embryos survived. A piece of my heart broke that day and I’m not sure if it will ever heal. 

The Aftermath

I quickly fell into a deep depression. It was a type of pain that I have never experienced before and couldn’t plan for. I felt like something had broken inside of me; like my body had failed me. Women are created with everything we need to conceive children and the fact that my body was not able to conceive made me feel less of a woman. There is no way to prepare for the feeling of inadequacy that I felt. It was a very isolating experience. The following weeks were hard and I shut everyone out. It took over a month for me to pull myself out of the emotional void I was in. My husband has always been my rock, but his strength during my weakest moments helped me find my smile again. The process we went through was something I needed to digest on my own before sharing it with others, and I’m so appreciative of everyone in my life who understood that.

Second IVF Attempt

During our first IVF attempt, we discovered that I have a blockage on one of my Fallopian tubes along with excessive scar tissue. Our doctor attempted to clear the blockage, but was unsuccessful. The blockage combined with existing egg quality issues gives us a 30% chance at a second successful IVF attempt. A 30% chance might not seem like a lot, but it’s enough for us to try one more time. Am I scared? Yes. But, now I know just how strong I truly am. Regardless of what this next IVF outcome is, I know that I am not alone.

Womens Rights Hearts GIF by #OvaryAct

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Hope for a Future of Equality

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Hope for a Future of Equality

Hope for a future where you can walk in public with your significant other and not be repeatedly stared at because others are uncomfortable with interracial relationships.

Hope for a future where black and mixed children aren’t bullied because of their skin tone or racial background.

Hope for a future society that accepts everyone regardless of their race, gender or sexual orientation.

Hope for equality.

Hope for a future where conversations about injustice, race, inequality and hate become normalized. The more we talk about it the more we can change.

Hope for a future society that is led by leaders who want to make positive changes within our communities instead of turning their backs on communities in need.

Hope for a future where police and government are seen as our allies.

Hope for justice.

Hope for a future where more people try to understand and get to know those who are different from them. Hope for kindness.

Hope for a future where people are judged based upon their character rather than their race, gender or sexual orientation.

Hope for a future where women are paid, viewed and treated equally as men.

Hope for a future where all shades of color is noticed, honored, and respected it in every way.

Hope for peace.

Hope for love.

Our hope is that we all continue to unite and be allies and advocates even after the outrage ends. We want to see an everlasting change in our future. A better world for ALL of us!

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Interracial Friendships: Part Two

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Ebony and Ivory 

Last Fall we were contacted by a writer, Charmin Michelle, from XoNecole.com.  She found us on IG using #ebonyandivory and reached out to see if we were interested in being interviewed about our interracial friendship.  Umm.. OF COURSE WE WERE INTERESTED!

Necole Bitchie = XO Necole

For those that might not be familiar with XoNecole, it used to be called Necole Bitchie and we used to read it TOUGH back in the day. It used to be more of a gossip website and it was an extremely well-composed blog.  We were super bummed when Necole stepped back from blogging and shut down her site. It was one of those sites that you peeped daily. But, now she is back with a new vibe and new grown woman site (that we absolutely love). Getting asked to be featured on XoNecole after all of the years of being a loyal reader of Necole Bitchie, made this an extra special opportunity that we couldn’t pass up.

Click here for quick access to the article!

The Interview

The interview consisted of questions surrounding our interracial friendship, how it has evolved and what we have learned from one another. An all-around glimpse into friendships of black and white women in today’s society. Part one of this interview was from the white friends perspective and Part two is from the black friends perspective. If you didn’t get a chance to check it out, Click here to read Part One first! We would love for you to check out what was said on this topic! This article is so special to us and know there are other friendships out there that can relate!

As always, we are so glad you stopped by Bestietalks! We would love to hear your thoughts, experiences and personal feelings about interracial friendships!

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Wedding Planning Made Easy

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Wedding Planning Made Easy

Planning a wedding is one of the most exciting times in a person’s life. But, with the excitement, most always comes stress, which is why using an all-in-one wedding website can be a lifesaver! Using a wedding website will allow you to organize your addresses, invitations, RSVP’s, and even keep your guests up to date on all the latest details of your BIG day. A wedding website is resourceful on so many levels, but how do you know a good wedding website from a mediocre one? Take a look at their samples and see if their vibe matches yours. Do they have the specific qualities you are looking for in a wedding website? DO they offer products and services that will make your wedding planning easier?

Basic Invite

Basic Invite is an all-in-one wedding website that we highly recommend! They offer free wedding websites that are completely customizable and are mobile-friendly so you can plan on the go. Instantly upload all your wedding details, images and even a map with directions for your guest; it’s as simple as that! Simple, convenient and affordable wedding planning at your fingertips.

Basic Invite is one of the few wedding websites that offers customers almost unlimited color options with instant previews online. And you can change the color of each element on a card, with over 180 different color options. As a result, the card can be exactly how you want it, even down to the littlest detail. Your wedding should be exactly the way you want it, and Basic Invite can help make your dream day a reality!

Stationary Needs

Not only do they offer great wedding websites but they have you covered with all your announcements and initiations. They offer all of the wedding stationery you need, like save the dates, wedding invitations, enclosure cards, wedding menus, wedding programs, and even matching thank you cards! With over 900 invitation sets and 40 different envelope colors to choose from, you can customize every aspect of your wedding to be exactly what you want. From glamorous to informal wedding invitations, there is something for everyone!

Bonus Features

Basic Invite makes it simple to request your guests’ addresses in just three simple steps. Share a link via social media or email, collect addresses, and get free envelope printing. This feature is amazing because it removes the hassle of gathering addresses.

Basic Invite’s newest collection is Seal & Send wedding invitations. They are an all-in-one wedding invitation with a tear-off RSVP postcard included, and brides absolutely love them! Of course, these are customizable as well. What’s special about Seal & Sends is that guest’s addresses are printed on the front of each invitation so no envelope is necessary!

Wedding Planning Made With YOU in Mind

With all the help from Basic Invite, wedding planning doesn’t have to be so stressful. Everything will look uniformed, classy and be made of the highest quality. You are able to edit everything to your standard and it is always available at your fingertips. Whether you’re newly engaged or are in the middle of planning your big day, Basic Invite is the way to go!

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Gift Guide For The Person Who Has Everything

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Gift Season

Tis the season for giving! But what do you give the person who seems to have everything? This is where we would like to help you out with our gift giving guide. 

Let the Giving Begin!

  • Subscription- A subscription is the type of gift that keeps on giving. Every year, I subscribe to a children’s magazine and have it sent to my niece’s house. I used to love receiving magazines in the mail as a kid and I wanted to keep the tradition going. Now, my nieces absolutely love getting their Highlights, Zoobooks, or National Geographic magazines in the mailbox. There is beauty box subscriptions and even yoga subscriptions! There’s pretty much a subscription box out there for everyone! Allure, Sephora, Buddhibox , etc. I was gifted the Buddhibox for my birthday and it is an amazing subscription. It comes with crystals, candles and all kinds of fabulous goodies! The Allure box is only $15 a month as well! Very affordable!
  • Cheap Hotel Stay- Providing someone with a paid hotel stay gives them an excuse to get out of town and explore another city. One to two nights is plenty as a gift. Groupon and Expedia have great hotel deals and make it easy to give this as a gift without letting the receiver know how much you spent. 
  • Nail, Massage or Day Spa Gift Card– If you know someone who loves getting their nails done or loves a good spa day then this is a great gift option! We both get our nails done religiously and trust us- a nail gift card would make someone totally happy! This could go to a male or female and they would happily pamper themselves.
  • Cookbooks or Cookware– Just about every other person out there is trying some sort of new diet or exploring alternative food options. A new Paleo, Vegan or Keto cookbook could help inspire them! Amazon is great for items like this as well. Simple but useful!
  • Pet Lover Gifts– Do you know someone who is completely obsessed with their animal?! Get creative and have a handmade portrait of them and their pet made on Etsy! There are so many cute and affordable options out there. There are vendors on Etsy who make beautiful artwork that can bring a photograph to life and make it into a piece of artwork! Just snoop your friends social media ( because you know they have their animal on there somewhere ) and send that pic over to the person you pick on Etsy and they will make you a keepsake gift to give this holiday season!
    I had this made of Neecy Girl via Etsy!Happy Gift Giving!

    Happy Gift Giving !

We hope that this quick gift guide gave you some inspiration for that person in your life who is tricky to shop for! Gifts are not about the cost but the meaning and thought behind them. These gifts are something that if given to the right person- they will be so thankful! Happy Holidays!!

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