BestieTalks

BestieTalks

Relationships Can be Beautiful or They Can be Messy but Either Way, You Learn From Them!

Interracial Friendships

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Ebony and Ivory 

Recently we were contacted by a writer, Charmin Michelle, for XoNecole.com.  She found us on IG using #ebonyandivory and reached out to see if we were interested in being interviewed about our interracial friendship.  Umm.. OF COURSE WE WERE INTERESTED!

Necole Bitchie = XO Necole

For those that might not be familiar with XoNecole, it used to be called Necole Bitchie and we used to read it TOUGH back in the day. It used to be more of a gossip website and it was an extremely well-composed blog.  We were super bummed when Necole stepped back from blogging and shut down her site. It was one of those sites that you peeped daily. But, now she is back with a new vibe and new grown woman site (that we absolutely love). Getting asked to be featured on XoNecole after all of the years of being a loyal reader of Necole Bitchie, made this an extra special opportunity that we couldn’t pass up.

Click here for quick access to the article!

The Interview

The interview consisted of questions surrounding our interracial friendship, how it has evolved and what we have learned from one another. An all-around glimpse into friendships of black and white women in today’s society. We would love for you to check out what was said on this topic! This article will have a ‘part 2’ that will feature the black friend’s responses to the same questions. We are equally excited about that perspective and will share it when it is released. Please head over to XoNecole by clicking here to check out our feature!

 Can you Relate?!

We would LOVE your feedback on this topic! Drop us a note and tell us about your interracial friendship stories!  

A picture from our first year of friendship 15+ years ago!
A photo of us from our first year of friendship 15+ years ago!
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A Friendship With Addiction – A Poem –

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You were so young that maybe you didn’t realize the new friendship that you made.

It made you feel good and helped you escape the troubles that clouded your mind and judgment.

It made you feel like you were dancing in a field of flowers but you couldn’t see that you were holding hands with the devil.

You slowly started to change and it was as if you convinced yourself that no one would ever notice.

But I noticed.

Your friendship consumed you and I tried to convince you to walk away. I tried to explain how this friendship would slowly destroy you.

But you didn’t listen.

All you cared about was hanging around people with similar friendships. In your eyes, they were the only ones who understood you.

I tried to understand but you wouldn’t let me.

Your friendship tricked you into thinking that you were okay, that you could stop at any time.

But you couldn’t stop.

The high points made you feel invincible but the sobering morning sun would remind you of your weakness.

That weakness made you run right back to your friend for another hit of mind numbing infectious poison.

That poison contaminated your entire body and spilled out into your life.

It even splattered onto those that you love.

Your friendship contaminated more than just you, but you were too high on that friendship to see it.

Your dysfunctional friendship destroyed your self-worth and I could no longer see happiness in your eyes.

Your friendship with addiction has led you down an isolate road that only you have the directions to.

I tried to find you and bring you back, but only you can find your way home.

I’ll be here waiting for you when you are ready for a new friendship.

A friendship that makes you feel happy and inspires you to be the person that I used to know.

She is still inside you. You just have to find the strength to bring her back out.

Your friendship with addiction is a friendship that never should have been.

When you finally cut ties you will be able to see that through clear eyes.

Clarity to see that a friendship shouldn’t slowly drown you.

The clarity to see that a friendship with addiction is not a friendship at all.

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Call Me Maybe

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Change The Way You Keep in Touch

Communication has drastically changed over the years. As with all the things, there are positives and negatives. Being able to contact anyone in seconds is fucking amazing, but have we lost touch with the emotional part of the contact? It’s so easy to just send a text and not actually call someone, but should you be making more of an effort to actually talk (not text) with certain people in your life? Does commenting on someone’s picture on social media really keep you in touch with that person? There is a lot that goes on in someones daily life that isn’t shown online.

A call to see how someone’s doing instead of asking them through text, can strengthen your friendships and relationships. Hearing someone’s voice makes all the difference. The next time you genuinely want to reach out to someone, switch up how you would normally contact them. Is there someone you care about but haven’t talked to in a while? Someone that lives far away that you haven’t seen recently? Someone you have been thinking about calling but never seen to get around to do it? Or maybe even someone you just want to say “thank you” to?

It’s time to change the way you keep in touch!


Our Favorite Ways of Keeping in Touch

  • Call Em‘: Nowadays we are so quick to send a text or Snapchat when we want to get a hold of someone. Try giving that person a call instead. This way they can hear the excitement in your voice when they answer and a simple, “hi” might grow into a much-needed conversation. A simple phone call is a great way to brighten anyone’s day. 
  • Leave a Voicemail: So you called and they didn’t answer. Leave a sweet voicemail saying why you called and let them know that they don’t have to call back or that you’re looking forward to hearing from them. Either way, it lets the person know that they mean enough for you to leave a happy voicemail they can always refer to.  
  • FaceTime: We love getting FaceTimes from each other! We’re not the type that needs to be “FaceTime-ready” and always get super excited when we hear that special FaceTime ring. We can be chilling on the couch, out at a bar or FaceTiming each other so they can say hi to the people we are with. It can just be so nice to see someone’s face sometimes.
  • Old Fashion Snail Mail:  We still love getting a personal letter in the mail without knowing that it’s coming. There is nothing like someone taking their personal time to put pen to pad just to send you a note. And this can be as simple as a single fold card that says “thinking about you”. Getting a letter in the mail can spark joy in someone’s heart! 

Ready..Set…Dial!

Both of us are making a conscious effort to change the way we are staying in touch with the people in our lives. We personally have had 15 years of perfecting the art of staying in touch. Living in different states, but communicating constantly, is what makes us the Besties we are today. So yeah, we guess you can consider us experts in this area! We all live busy lives, but if you care about someone enough then try making the extra effort to actually keep up with them on a more personal level. We encourage you to give this a shot with us and see how many peoples day you can make, just by changing up the way you keep in touch!   

Can you relate to this topic? Is there someone that came to mind that you should reach out to? Tell us your thoughts and your favorite way of keeping in touch!

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A Letter To My Younger Self

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Your Life is About to Change

Dear 17-year-old Jessica,

How are you girl? I know it’s been a pretty shitty past year. All you have been thinking about for the past two years is turning 18 and graduating. You know that once you graduate that you are free. Your senior year is supposed to be the best time of your life. The last big hoorah before you go out into the real world. But it has been anything but that. The things that you have already endured, unfortunately, won’t make sense until you get older. I know you moved out because you can’t stand your mom’s boyfriend. You’re living at a friends house and just trying to maintain so you can make it to graduation. I also know that you have no fucking clue about what you want to do with your life. Try to remind yourself that you don’t need to know all the answers right now. Some of the best things that will happen in your life won’t be planned. For the record, you made the right decision by leaving home. This decision is a turning point in your life that is going to lead you to be the independent woman that you are today.

The Next Five Years

For the past nine years, basketball has been a solid foundation in your life, but this is going to change. You are going to make some tough decisions that are going to take you down a different path. Everything serves its purpose, and when one passion dies, it allows you to explore new ones. Learn to be okay with this and have no regrets with your decisions, trust me, they will lead you where you need to go. If your instinct tells you to move to another state, do it. Embrace the unknown. You are going to meet someone who is going to give you a job opportunity. Take it. You won’t know it at the time, but it’s going to completely change your life and the money situation you will be struggling with. You will need to evaluate who you have in your life. Keep people in your life that add value to it. Don’t waste your time with people that affect your happiness or deter you from success.

There are going to be lots of people that will come into your life that stay longer than they should. Try to be more cautious with yourself and be okay with letting people go, even if it hurts. You are going to experience heartache, disappointment, deception, guilt, and confusion. Life is not going to be easy nor is it going to be a constant joyous party. One piece of advice, maintain a healthy lifestyle. Taking care of yourself is going to save you in more ways than one. Never stop loving yourself or taking care of yourself. No matter what anyone does to you or says to you. Always remember, that no one can love you like you can love yourself. You can be your best friend or worst enemy, don’t let anyone steal your self-worth or self-love.

It’s Going to Get Rocky

Your little sister is going to need you, and you are going to go through some complicated things together. When this time comes, it is going to knock your whole life out of balance. You might not be able to save her from the choices she is going to make, but you will be able to help her recover from them. Remember it is not your job to fix everyone and everything and sometimes all you can do is be there to support. You can only do so much for others, and you have to remember to still take care of yourself. Be fortunate for the people you will have in your life and those that will listen without judgment. Relationships will deteriorate with people that you couldn’t picture your life without. Bonds will also strengthen and grow through these difficult times. Take time to notice the balance of the good and bad that surrounds you. I promise you that you will get through this and you will be stronger and wiser for it.

And Jess, lighten up on your stepmom, please. I know you guys don’t see eye to eye on everything right now, but she loves you. Start hugging her and your Dad more often now. When you get older, you are going to realize that these two people will have your back and support you more than you can even fathom. Grandma is and will always be a vital part of your life. Never stop calling her and confiding in her. She will be your reasoning when you can’t make sense of the mess you might find yourself in.

The Rainbow at The End of The Storm

Over the next 13 years, you are going to make some beautiful memories and unbelievable triumphs. I’m telling you this now because I hope that it makes you excited about the future even if you have no idea what’s coming next. I also want you to accept that all the people that you know right now, at this very moment, won’t be in your life in 13 years. Of all the people you consider your friends right now you will only TRULY know about 5 of them. Accept this now. You are going to go through phases where you are alone. You will make decisions that will take you to new places and further away from the place that you call home today. The people that are meant to stay in your life will and they will be friendships that will last through time and distance. The bright side? You are going to meet all kinds of new people and some of them will become your closest friends.

Me and my Bestie at my high school graduation

You are going to have amazing life accomplishments. I repeat, AMAZING. Family and friends will disappoint you and not be there for these moments in your life but love and appreciate those that will. You’re going to meet a man that thinks the world of you so don’t let too many tears fall for the ones that walk away. He is going to make you feel so beautiful that your ego will grow, don’t fight it or the way he makes you feel. You deserve it all.

Are you excited about your future now? You should be. It’s going to be the bumpiest ride of your life, but the destination is going to make you extremely happy. Now take that go-getter, “can’t nobody tell me shit” personality of yours out into the world. It’s time to grow up into the person you are meant to become.

Trust me; she’s pretty fucking amazing!

Love,
The 30-year-old Jessica

P.s. Don’t over-pluck your brows! Don’t drink and drive and stay away from assholes and catty bitches!

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What to Expect During Your First Year of Blogging

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Happy 1 Year to BestieTalks!

We are so excited to share with you what we have learned during our first year of blogging. Running a two-person blog has its ups and downs, but honestly, it’s been a fucking blast! We’ve learned so much about ourselves, each other, got our first troll, have been able to travel for our blog and met some amazing people all in one short year. It has been a fantastic learning journey and we wanna share some of what we learned with you!

What to Expect 

So you’ve launched your blog and now what? PROMOTE!!! No one will know anything about your blog unless you put it in their faces. Here is what you need in order to get it everywhere:

  • Instagram– Make an account dedicated only to your blog. Start following big bloggers that inspire you and are in the same niche as your blog. Educate yourself on how Instagram works and how to get the most out of it. Engagement with your audience is a must! Learn everything you can about hashtags. 
  • Twitter– Twitter is great for quick thoughts and gives you the ability to throw things out there while personally engaging with others through Tweets. Engage with other bloggers and remember to give back. Twitter is an AMAZING platform for bloggers but if you are a blogger that only promotes your own work and never returns the favors to others- expect to be called out. Blogging is not a place for the selfish. There is enough room for all of us to succeed!
  • Facebook– Just about everyone and they mama, grandma, and auntie has a Facebook so it is only smart to make a page for your blog and invite EVERYONE you know to like the page. That way when you post on there, it will come on everyone’s feed. Join FB blogging groups too. They always have great tips and are a good place to vent, ask for advice and meet other bloggers. 
  • Pinterest– Pins drive people to your blog. Of course, you will have to learn how to make pins but it’s simple. Once you master that, make a pin for every article you publish and stay actively pushing your pins and posting others too.  

Try to make sure all your accounts are universal in the name. Sometimes your name is already taken ( happened to us with Twitter) and if that’s the case, add something simple to it that still applies to your blog ( like BestieTalksBlog). This allows it to be easier for your blog to be found on any network.

What to Expect And How to React

You can’t prepare for everything, so be ready to roll with the punches when they come. Not everyone is going to like or understand what you’re doing and that’s fine. But sometimes people can be little bitches and they like to troll your page venting their negative unwanted opinion and that’s OKAY too. We understand that not everyone will love us and you have to be okay with that and accept it. Remind yourself why you started blogging and as long as it makes YOU happy that’s all that really matters. You will have moments when you question your work and if you are making any progress. Remember, success doesn’t come overnight and if you are getting into blogging with the idea of getting rich or famous then maybe you should re-evaluate your reasons for wanting to be a blogger. Find your passion and keep that passion while navigating through your first year.

Be prepared for some “friends” and family to not support you like you thought they would!

 

Finding Balance

We both have full time careers so blogging is something we do in our spare time. If you are like us and have other responsibilities, then you will need to find a balance between your professional work and blogging. It’s okay to not be active every single day. Honestly, we believe that disconnecting is healthy and we do it often. Finding balance is key for blogging to not only work but for you to stay happy and positive about it. If you feel like taking the day to do other things besides writing, promoting on social media or making new pins for Pinterest.. THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY! Don’t stress yourself out feeling like you have to get an article out every damn day. Find what works for YOU. Sometimes we put out two articles a week and other times we put out just one. We find what works for us and we roll with it!

Connect With Other Bloggers

One thing we read about when we first launched BestieTalks was interacting with other bloggers. We thought, ” how the hell are we supposed to do that?” Trust us, we get how overwhelming all of this may seem in the beginning but you will get a hold of it and figure things out! Reach out to other bloggers, comment on their articles and build a rapport with them. Find other bloggers in your niche who you have things in common with. We have done a handful of guest blog articles with other bloggers and it is a great experience! We highly recommend you do this! Connecting with other bloggers helps you both grow and reach more people and it’s also quite fun to engage and work with other bloggers! Pepare yourself for other bloggers turning you down. You won’t be compataibe with everyone. This goes back to what we talked about earlier.. not everyone is gonna like you and acceting that now will make things easier down the road. The blogging community is one of the most supportive groups we have ever encountered. You might feel shy or timid when first starting out- but we all were. You got this! 

Stay True, Real and Honest

The most important part of being a blogger is staying true, honest and real! Whatever you blog about should be a passion for you. Staying true to your identity and what you believe in will make you more connected to what you are writing about. The goal is not to appeal to every single person out there but the people that do connect with you will come. Just stay persistent and patient and enjoy the journey of watching your blog evolve. You might feel that your blog is not reaching anyone but if you stay consistent it will get noticied. It takes a lot of work to be a proficent blogger and thankfully I have my bestie to help with all the things we have to do. I could only imagine all the extra work that a solo blogger has to do but be proud of yourself! Be proud of your little accomplishments and the big ones! It takes a lot of confidence to put your thoughts out into a world that is filled with judgment. You are a badass and don’t you ever forget it!

Thank you for reading and celebrating our one year of blogging with us! Please let us know of any tips you have that could be useful to others!

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Everything You Need to Know About a Blogger’s Conference

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Would You Ever Attend a Blogger Conference?

Before starting BestieTalks we had no idea things like ‘blogger conferences’ even existed. Eight months after launching our website we came across BlogHer, who was holding a blogger event, and we decided immediately that we wanted to attend. The blogging world is vast and there is so much to learn and so many people to meet. We figured this would be a perfect opportunity to expand our knowledge and network with other bloggers. Our only communication with bloggers up until this point had been online and through social media. All of our interactions have been so positive online that we were not the least bit hesitant about jumping right into our first blogger conference. Have you ever thought about attending a blogger conference? Or maybe you already frequent them and had a similar experience as us? If you have never been to one, would you ever attend a blogger conference? We are here to tell you why you absolutely should!

Picking the Right Event for You

  • So a blogger conference has caught your interest, now what? Start reading up as much as you can about the event, the organization putting it together, and what other people have said about their experience at prior events. Don’t just pick an event without doing your due diligence. Google the event and read up on it! You want to spend your money and time on something that will be beneficial for you and your blog.
  • When you start researching information about a particular blogger event start following the organization or people associated with the event to keep up with new info and to make sure the event is something you really want to attend. This will allow you to find out all about them. We followed BlogHer on Instagram and Twitter and really grew an understanding of what to expect. We new after spending time following them online and reading about the event that this was a perfect conference for us to attend.

    Zuri Hall gave a great speech!
  • These events are not cheap by any means. Again, why its so important to make sure you pick one that you REALLY are interested in. Once tickets go on sale you usually don’t have to buy right away. There was a bunch of deals on tickets that happened on and off up until a few weeks before the event. Had we not been so eager we could have saved a few bucks by waiting for a sale! Scope them out like airline tickets. If you see any notices of them selling out then, of course, buy but otherwise just be patient a bit and you might get lucky with a discounted ticket!
  • You will most likely have to travel for the event. We met in Los Angeles for the BlogHer event so we made a whole weekend out it. You will have to factor in traveling and someone to stay. Again, attending one of these events is not cheap. Location, price, and the event are all critical factors in choosing a conference. We are lucky because we share out blog so we are able to travel together for things like this. Most bloggers will travel solo so make sure you pick somewhere where you will be happy about being alone. Don’t let traveling alone deter you! Bloggers are some of the coolest people! You will no doubt make a friend or two while you are there!
  • If there is an app you can download related to your event, download it! It will most likely have info and a schedule/itinerary of events that you will want to stay up to speed with. There will be lots of things going on during the event and seeing the schedule will help you decide what things are a must for you to attend.

    Alyssa Milano was a guest speaker!

What to Expect at a Blogger Conference

  • The event we attended was 2 days. The first day after arriving in Los Angeles we headed over to the venue to register and get your name tags. The venue was amazing and no shortcuts were taken on making the place look wonderful. You are buying a ticket to essentially hang out in a building all day. Expect that building to pimped out! Seriously, they go above and beyond for bloggers and EVERYTHING is picture worthy. Duh, we’re bloggers and we live for photo ops. You will have a shit ton available to you!
  • Bring a backpack because you will collect goodies and a bunch of swag during your time at the conference. Also, bring a notebook and pen. You will want to take notes and exchange info with other bloggers. You are going to learn after all so that notepad will come in handy! We have stickers with our logo/website on them that we wrote our handles on the back of. They were a great way to pass our info on to other people. If you have business cards or something similar you want to bring those along too!
  • Expect to have a multitude of guest speakers at the event. For example, we attend an informational SEO discussion with a panel of accomplished bloggers. We also checked out the social media discussion as well. There were bloggers that we knew and others we didn’t but every single one had something profound to say and an array of tips that we found very usual for our blog strategy.
  • Don’t be surprised if there will be celebrity guest speakers as well. Alyssa Milano was a head speaker at BlogHer 2019 and she was hands down our favorite! Massy Arias, Jameela Jamil, Jamie King, and Zuri Hall among many others were all in attendance and spoke during the event. It was very inspiring to hear stories from other successful women and be able to relate and learn from them. Prepare to be inspired and motivated!
  • You will be free to roam around as much as you want and we never felt once that we were trapped in our seats. A blogger event is meant to be social so make sure to introduce yourself and interact with other bloggers. It’s not every day that you are in a room full of people and have something in common with each and every one of them.
  • Expect to be spoiled. From endless drinks and snack option to all kinds of fun loot to collect from the vendor booths we guarantee you will be packing your suitcase with way more than you came with. So make sure to spare some room so you can take your goodies home with you!

    The panel of more guest speakers!

Are you Inspired yet?!

We hope this article inspired you to seek out your next blogger conference! If you are serious about your blog and growing your skills and audience then we cannot recommend this experience enough! Please let us know if you are thinking about attending!! Also, let us know of any events we should attend too. We would love to hear about your experience!

 

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