BestieTalks

happiness

Social Media and Mental Health

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Is Social Media Affecting Your Social Relationships?

Social media has it perks and it can be a great tool to have. Other times, social media fucking sucks and it can be a place that can cause a lot of negativity. How and why you use social media varies greatly from person to person. Social media has become so intertwined in our daily lives that if you aren’t careful, it can consume you in ways that you might not even realize. Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health disorders in the United States. An alarming number of people suffer from social media anxiety disorder. How long can you go without wanting to check your phone and social media apps? Maybe it’s time to evaluate your social media use and check in with how you honestly feel about it.

Self-Evaluation Check List

Look over some of these common social media side effects and be honest with yourself about how many reside with you.

  1. I tend to be on my phone when I’m with a friend or a group of people 
  2. I constantly check my phone throughout the day and scroll through social media for notifications
  3. I have felt lonely, isolated or depressed after spending time on social media
  4. I use social media as a way to cope with being lonely
  5. I internally judge or compare my life to others that I see on social media
  6. I form negative judgments about others based upon their social media posts
  7. I often think about taking a break from social media
  8. I rather talk to people through social media instead of calling them or meeting up in person
  9. I have been a victim of negativity or hate on social media
  10. I have a “fear of missing out” if I am not constantly checking in online to see what others are up to
  11. Not being able to check my social media gives me anxiety

Did any of those examples hit home? Maybe you realize there is an aspect of your social media usage that could be affecting your overall mental health? It’s ok to admit it. A healthy relationship with social media might be difficult to attain but it is possible.

Reducing Social Media can Increase Happiness

Forbes released an article about a study done on social media anxiety disorder. Researchers found that participants who allocated a maximum of 30 minutes to social media on a daily basis reported, “that they felt less depression and loneliness over a three-week period.” It seems kind of backward that reducing the use of social media can make you feel less lonely, but there is some truth to this philosophy and I can attest to it. I deleted my Facebook 4 months ago and a heap of mental anxiety that I was walking around with was alleviated.

Benefits of a Social Media Detox

Everyone is different and requires different things. A social media detox can be as little as one day, a week or multiple weeks or months at a time. Find what works for you and adjust as needed. Some potential benefits of a social media detox could be:

  1. Reduced anxiety
  2. More time to focus on yourself- which will lead to a natural increase in happiness
  3. Reduced screen time can promote better sleep
  4. Reconnect with the awesome things about YOUR life & not everyone else’s online life
  5. Live in the moment in the REAL world
  6. Build authentic in-person relationships
  7. Stop comparing yourself to others and judging other people -in other words- REDUCED NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!
  8. Unfollow people or “friends” who you just don’t connect with anymore. It’s okay to hit the unfriend/unfollow button. It’s actually a very liberating feeling. Clean up your friends list for a better online experience.

Small Changes That will Have a Big Impact

I am not saying that you need to delete your social media or that social media will always cause anxiety or depression. Social media is great when used properly! How, when, why, where and how often you are using it just might need to be tweaked a little bit. Being self-aware and being able to self-evaluate yourself is something you should be proud of. If you can relate at all to this article then maybe you will think about adjusting your social media use. If you don’t relate to anything that I’ve mentioned, then you just might have a perfectly healthy relationship with social media and that is awesome!

Life is all about growing, evolving and taking care of yourself to the best of your ability. So go read that book, go take that yoga class, go learn a second language, cross something off your list that you have been wanting to do. You have to do what is best for YOU! I promise, your phone and social media will all still be there after you’re done doing what makes you happy first!

Your mental health is more important than notifications. Social media is not always a positive social place. Just be aware and notice if and when you need a break.

Can you relate? Please tell us your personal thoughts and stories on social media and your mental health!

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A Story of Confidence, Growth and Change

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Confidence

It sits there waiting for you notice it.

It’s been there all along but for some reason, you hide it like it can’t be shown to others.

Who is going to talk about it if you don’t?

If you are responsible for creating it shouldn’t you be the one that is proud to unveil it?

Why do we feel that we must dim our light to avoid negative judgment from others?

It sits there waiting for you to notice it.

It’s time to pick it up and carry it with you.

Your confidence.

Take it, carry it with you, and be proud of who you are and your accomplishments.

Growth

Over the years I have watched myself grow as an individual. Growing up everyone around me thought I exuded confidence, but internally I struggled to be the person that the rest of the world saw. I’ve always been my own worst critic. It’s a blessing and a curse to notice all of your accomplishments and all of your flaws simultaneously. When it came to my accomplishments, I would be satisfied for a brief moment but quickly I would want more. I would put new pressures, goals, and timelines on myself, causing the pattern to start all over again. The joy that came with accomplishing something was a fleeting emotion. It is something I wish I would have allowed myself to absorb more of.

Maturity is something I recognize in myself. I have watched myself grow and change over the years. The happiness I allow myself to feel and the criticism that still lingers. I would be lying if I said that I was still not my own worst critic but I have learned to ease up on myself. Perfectionism is something that I no longer desire or chase. Instead, continual progress is how I try to view myself, my career, my relationships and my overall life in general. Not comparing myself to others or what society thinks I should look like or the things I should posses by a certain age. This is MY life and no one is living it but me. 

Change

When I started to consciously change my outlook, thoughts, and feelings, the things around me organically started to change with me. Choosing to be positive even in the most negative of situations. Deciding to tell myself I looked beautiful when seeing my reflection, instead of instantly formulating a mental checklist of all the things I need to improve. Congratulating myself over small and big accomplishments and remembering to take the time to be proud of myself and how far I’ve come. Talking to myself internally with respect and love instead constantly telling myself that I need to do more or be better. The changes I made within myself began to expand and become visible on the outside. Acknowledging myself, my accomplishments, my growth and the changes I’ve made have enhanced the confidence I’ve always had.

Different but the Same

I have always been the same girl but I am different in tiny ways that have made major impacts on my life. Being confident doesn’t mean you are stuck up or a narcissist. Being confident means you have faith in yourself and believe in your abilities to achieve all of your goals and dreams. It’s taken me 30 years to reach a point in my life where I recognize all of the things I am and all of the things I am not. I still have so much learning, growing, and transforming to do but loving myself for who I am right now, in this very moment, is a priority and a promise I have made to myself. A promise to never doubt my abilities. A promise to pick up my confidence, carry it with me wherever I go, and be proud of who I am and my accomplishments.


I’m sharing this with you because I know that I’m not the only one who can relate to this. Even if this resonates with only one person and it makes them realize how amazing they truly are, then this article did exactly what I hoped it would.

Please share your thoughts and stories! I love hearing other peoples perspective on life!

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What to Expect During Your First Thai Massage

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Benefits of a Thai Massage

There are so many benefits your mind and body will receive from getting a Thai massage. Taking care of your body comes in many forms. Exercise, hygiene, your diet, mental health, and skin care are some of the things that come to mind when you think about taking care of yourself. A Thai massage is a great way to treat yourself, relax, and get any tension in your muscles worked out. Some amazing benefits of Thai massages are: 

  • pain management
  • immunity boost
  • improves blood circulation
  • increase in energy and flexibility
  • decreases depression/anxiety
  • help with digestion
  • ease in PMS symptoms
  • promote inner peace/relaxation

What to Expect

Depending on the establishment you visit the experience can be slightly different. I have had Thai Massages that include stretching and others that didn’t.  If you have the option, I highly recommend finding a place that offers “Thai Yoga Massage” as it’s hands down the best massage when it comes to full spectrum benefits. If you have ever thought about getting one you might wonder what to expect. It will be different from massage techniques that you might be familiar with. Here’s what to expect :

  • When you walk in you will immediately notice that it’s quiet and peaceful. Turn your cell phone off, on silent or maybe just forget about it all together and leave it in your car. Take your relaxation time seriously and unplug for a bit. 
  • Wear comfy clothes. You won’t be taking off any clothing for this type of massage. Think yoga leggings, comfy shorts, biker shorts, loose t-shirt etc. Ladies, feel free to ditch the bra if you choose. Also, go makeup free. 
  • They will take you to a private room and you can keep you personal items with you. You will usually be able to find a basket to hold your belongings in the room. Any clothing you decide to remove will be stashed in there as well. 
  • A Thai yoga massage takes place on a large mat instead of a traditional massage table. This is a massage combined with deep yoga stretching. The mat is needed because this is more of an “active” massage.
  • Your massage therapist will join you in the room. Usually they will ask if you have ever had this type of massage before. If you are a first timer they will help guide you.
  • Let them know of any injuries you might have or any special areas you would like special attention. If your neck is killing you- tell your masseuse.
  • There is usually music or relaxing mediation music playing. Maybe essential oils, incense or candles depending on where you go.
  • It’s not good to stretch with cold muscles so the massaging is what is done first to loosen up the body and prepare your body for stretching.
  • Don’t hold your breath. Focus on your breathing and your body will respond better to being relaxed and stretched.
  • Every part of your body will be worked on. They will turn you on your sides and work up and down all sides of your body.
  • The pressure will hurt at times but this is where your breathing comes in. Breathe into the pose and pressure. You will feel better after. I promise.
  • Be honest if the pressure is too much. You don’t want to be in pain to the point where you are not enjoying the massage. There will be pressure but it shouldn’t be uncomfortable to the point of wanting to stop.
  • They usually do some sort of scalp and face massage near the end as well.
  • Drink lots of water after your massage to help flush out all the toxins. 
  • A hot shower or bath is really nice for the muscles after a deep massage- take one if you can when you get home. 

I have had dozens of massages before and most of them being Thai. Out of all the massages I have ever had, a Thai yoga massage has been my favorite. Your body will feel better and I guarantee that you will want to go back again. I try to get a massage AT LEAST once a month. 

Take care of your body and your body will take care of you!

Have you ever had a Thai yoga massage before? If so, what was your experience?!

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How Your Thoughts Control Your Perception

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There Can’t be Good Without The Bad

Our lives are made up of a series of highs and lows. To appreciate the good times we have to know what its like to go through bad times. When shitty things happen a lot of people seem to quickly forget all the beautiful things that are happening in their life. Why do we do this? There are thousands of components to your life that make up who you are. When you watch the ocean, you see wave after wave come in but all those waves make up the entire ocean. Just like in your life, things are going to come in waves and some waves are better than others. In the end, all of those things, good and bad, make up the entire existence of YOU. 

Perception is Key

Take a second and think about all the people and amazing things about your life that you love. I’m sure a few things/people immediately came to mind. Now if you took that same minute to think about all the shitty things going on that upset you I bet that you won’t have the same emotion. You have to change the way you deal with bad things. It’s so easy to forget all of the things that make us happy and get wrapped up in negativity. Change how you view things, and your emotions will follow. Perception is key. 

The Glass IS Half Full

  • You have student loan debt that you feel you will never pay off  < Graduating with a degree was a major accomplishment & you will eventually make more money and pay off that debt. 
  • You get a flat tire on your way to work < You have a car and a job. Two things to be VERY grateful for. 
  • You are unhappy with your job < At least you have a source of income & you can start looking for other opportunities. Motivation. 
  • Your bills/debt is stressing you out < Take notice of the things you pay for and appreciate the luxuries you can afford. Minimize the things you can live without and put that money into a savings account. 
  • Comparing yourself to someone else < Don’t be concerned with what someone else is doing or the things they have. I bet if you take a few minutes to really examine yourself that you will see that your life is pretty great. Don’t be in competition with anyone but yourself. 
  • You’re not satisfied with your body or lifestyle < You are alive and have a willing & able body! With some drive, effort, and motivation you can change the things you don’t like. You have the ability to live a healthier lifestyle. Find what inspires you to change and run with it! 
  • “Bad shit ALWAYS happens to me!” < ” I am capable and willing to handle anything that comes my way!” 

Change Your Outlook

Emotions are temporary but how you respond to them can have a lasting impression on your life. Things might go wrong and days

It’s all about how YOU see things!

could be awful, but that doesn’t mean your whole life is shitty. Life is full of lessons and hard times but its how you handle them that defines you. The next time you find yourself dwelling on things that are going right try to catch yourself and change your mindset. Talk to someone you trust and get whatever is bothering you off your chest. Appreciate that you have people in your life to talk to about these things with. Everyone has problems, and we all react to them differently. Be self-aware and notice when you are wasting energy on the negative instead of using that energy to fix your circumstances.

  In the end, you are not going to remember the bill you had trouble paying or what a pain in the ass it was when your car broke down on the side of the road. You are going to remember your achievements, the moments you were happy and the people you made memories with. Choose to be happy regardless of the lows. Every day you wake up is another opportunity to live your best life. Don’t spend any more time focused on what you cant change and start changing the things you can!

Can you relate to this topic? Please share your thoughts and how you deal with troubles! 

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How a Healthy Lifestyle Saved Me

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A Healthy Lifestyle over a Perfect Body

Living a healthy lifestyle is more important than having a “perfect body”.  I’m one of those people that just feels “off” if I haven’t done some form of physical exercise and maybe even a little guilty. Like a lot of other women, I have struggled with having a positive relationship with my body since I was a young girl. I remember being in middle school and doing crunches in my bed before falling asleep. At 12 years old I was obsessed with trying to get the “perfect body” instead of loving my body for what it was. I would talk about my body in a negative way that I wouldn’t allow other people to do, but for some reason, I thought it was acceptable for me to do. Pretty screwed up right? This self-inflicted verbal putdown pattern lasted throughout my teens and most of my 20’s.

Looking Back at my Childhood

We pick up a lot of behavior attributes as children without even realizing that we are doing so and it wasn’t until my late 20’s that I began to notice this.  Looking back I realize that my Dad always worked out and made a point to cook meals when my sister and I stayed at his home but it was the complete opposite at my Mom’s. She suffered from eating disorders, depression, didn’t exercise, drank a lot and smoked. She didn’t eat much, so we rarely had meals together.  Nutrition, self-care, and self-love were not things that she taught me and my younger sister. I watched someone who I loved not love herself, and I adopted some of that negative behavior. I had resentment that I didn’t realize I was carrying around until I confronted how I felt about my Mom and my childhood. Since the age of 16, I went through periods of weight gain and weight loss and had issues reaching a healthy balance between the two and finding inner happiness.

What Changed?

In my late 20’s I gave up smoking, became a vegetarian (went fully vegan last July), and adopted a new and positive way to think, feel, and love myself. I have been an athlete my entire life but didn’t appreciate fitness like I should have. Instead of partaking in physical exercise with the outcome to win a game or to achieve the “perfect body,” I started to workout to simply feel good. My life changed when I made these changes. Depression runs in my family. This is why I made a healthy lifestyle my way of steering clear of that unfortunate gene. I realized I had the power to determine which path I took in life. What happened next? Happiness started to blossom when I began taking care of myself and loving myself. Over the years I have my workout passions have changed but I learned something from each of them. Basketball taught me how to be a part of a team, the gym was a place to release stress, jiu-jitsu showed me how to defend myself and healthily release stress, and yoga is teaching me how to be one with myself, be aware of my breath and the present moment.

The Impact of Change

I learn something new about myself every time I am on my yoga mat. I stretch a little further, control my breathing a little better, hold that pose a little longer, or understand myself a little better. Whatever might be bothering me before working out might still be on my mind after but I guarantee I won’t be as emotional or bothered by it. I have a clearer mind and lighter heart after working out. You might even say that I’m more of a balanced person after working out. There are a lot of people who suffer from depression, lack of satisfaction with their body, health issues, anger issues, or a multitude of everyday things that result in no motivation to change those things that bother them. I am someone who truly believes in the results that can come from working out and investing in yourself. One small change can lead to 100 but making that first change is necessary.

Being Happy is More Important than Being Perfect

A lot of people think of exercise solely as a way of having a great physique. Instead, try looking at working out as a way to love yourself instead of doing it for the “perfect body”. When you start to genuinely care about yourself, good habits naturally follow.  When I am working out everything else around me tends to fade away. I’m able to find space between the constant chatters of the mind and find peace with myself. Do I have days when I don’t want to workout? Of course. Do I have moments where I fall back into a negative mindset? Absolutely. The difference is that now I can spot it quickly and get out of whatever funk I might be in. Do I ever have moments when I judge my body? Yes, but its something I’ve accepted that I will probably always do.

At 30 years old, I can honestly say that I am the happiest and that I love my body. Yes, even the days when I judge it. I love it for what it is, what it isn’t, what it can’t do and what it CAN do. A healthy lifestyle saved me from a life and mindset that I did not want. It has made me a better, happier and more self-aware person. I’m self-aware of what I want and need and what I don’t want and need. This self-awareness expands to all areas of my life. Working out has saved me in more ways than one.

What can/has a healthy lifestyle done for you? Please share!

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