BestieTalks

Life

A Poem of Reflection

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Reflection

I’m thankful for the things I have accumulated and grateful for the things I learned to let go of.

I’m thankful for all the people in my life and grateful for the ones who came into my life but didn’t stay.

I’m thankful for the things I’ve learned and grateful that there is still more knowledge to be obtained. 

I’m thankful for the past, present and grateful for the future. 

I’m thankful for all the hard times I’ve endured and grateful that I had the strength to persevere.

I’m thankful for the opportunities I’ve been given and grateful for the ambition to continue to better myself. 

I’m thankful for the ones who taught me lessons and caused me to shed tears and grateful for the ones who have contributed to my laugh lines.

I’m thankful for the things that didn’t work out and grateful for the things that happened that I never knew I needed and wanted.

I’m thankful for the body I have and grateful for all the things it allows me to do. 

I’m thankful for all the memories I’ve made and grateful for all the memories that are still waiting for me. 

I’m thankful for the present moment and grateful that I’ve reached a point in my life where I can reflect and smile. 

I‘m thankful for yesterday, today and grateful that there is a tomorrow. 

I’m thankful for the unknown that lies ahead and grateful that I’m content with accepting whatever comes or doesn’t come my way. 

I’m thankful for this grateful reflection. 

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5 Goals For 2019- How To Successfully Focus On The Things That Matter To You

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Setting Goals That are Achievable

Every New Year people all around the world make resolutions. But how many of those resolutions do people successfully achieve? Instead of making “resolutions” this year we are going to set goals. Goals that we know are achievable if we put in the right amount of time and commitment. The goals that we will be setting will be goals that will not only improve our lives but also bring happiness and self-love. Goals you decide to set for yourself can range from easy to difficult but they should never be unattainable. The goal is not to set yourself up for failure but to set yourself up for a challenge. A challenge to better yourself and your life. 

5 Goals for 2019

  1. Travel: Traveling is something that we both love. Traveling allows you to experience new places, cultures, things ideas, and people. Traveling can be a break from your everyday life and can become an escape for fun and the opportunity to make new memories. A lot of people associate traveling with being expensive- and yes it can be very expensive but there are ways to travel on a budget as well. You don’t need to leave the country to have a new experience ( but if you have the opportunity to do so- DO IT! ). We love picking new cities to meet in and have mini vacations exploring a new place. If you want to focus on going somewhere new, start following prices on flights and looking at hotels and start budgeting. We do this for all our trips. Once you find the flight at an unbeatable price, purchase it and the rest will begin to fall in place. Traveling can be as simple as a road trip to the mountains or as grand as hiking Mount Everest. Whatever your travel goal is, set it and start working towards it piece by piece. Together, we hope to explore new cities, swim at new beaches and indulge in a culture foreign to us.
  2. Self Care: This is a particular goal that we believe EVERYONE should make. This goal can mean so many different things which is why it is such a practical goal. For 2019, our self-care is going to consist of surrounding ourselves with positive people, maintaining our fitness routines, fueling our body with healthy food and making time for ourselves. Treat yourself to a massage more than one time a year, take more bubble baths, be okay with telling people “no” when you rather stay home and get a good nights rest. I tend to be my own worst critic and I fully intend on loving myself more this year. Self Love = Self Care. Loving yourself does not make you a narcissist or self-absorbed. Loving yourself helps make the best version of you shine through. Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different. Love yourself this new year more than you EVER have!
  3. BestieTalks: We launched BestieTalks in March 2018. Over the past 9 months, we have learned so much about ourselves and our abilities. We are excited to continue our BestieTalks journey to see what we can accomplish this year. We got cute matching planners that come with daily, weekly, and monthly goals. We have our goals set for January and we intend on achieving every single one. What we don’t achieve in one month will carry over to the next month until that goal is met. We are also attending our first BlogHer conference in a few weeks and cannot wait to network with other bloggers. Starting off the new year by attending a blogging conference is the perfect way for us to kick off a fresh new year of making BestieTalks the best it can be!  
  4. Life: Outside of BestieTalks we also have personal life goals. Jessica plans on starting the hunt for her next position that she wants to pursue within her company. She is ready to put her degree to use and take on a position with more responsibility and a role where she can learn new things. Ray is looking forward to finishing her degree and applying for different positions in her career, while also enjoying the last year in her selfish 20’s. We both hope to grow our families but that is all in its own time. Staying in touch and seeing more family is an important goal for us. Life gets crazy and people begin to get wound up in their own things but family means so much, so it’s necessary to keep them as a high priority.  
  5. Love: Love means so many things to us. Our spouse, families, pets, friends etc. but this year our goal is to spread as much love as we can to others and to ourselves. Acts of love and kindness to those we know and don’t know are so important, especially in today’s world. Love is something we plan to focus on every day this year. Reach out to that person that you have been thinking about, or pick up a thoughtful card and mail it to a family member or friend. This year we plan to focus on things and people that matter to us. Focus our attention and energy on projects/goals that we love because time goes by too quickly to waste time on things that we don’t love. This year, love is what we want to spread!

You got This!

We try to look at our goals as lifestyle changes instead of resolutions. After the hype of the new year dies off so does the excitment of resolutions. Instead, try to keep up the motivation by looking at your goals as permament changes in your life. If it’s important to you now, then it should still be important to you 6 months from now. Pick some goals and stick with them! YOU GOT THIS!

 

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White Lies- Why do we Tell Them?

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Why is Telling the Truth so Hard?

People tell little white lies all the time. It’s so familiar that most people don’t even realize they are doing it or consider it wrong. Why is telling the truth so hard for us? Telling white lies is usually done to protect oneself from embarrassment or being called out on their behavior. On the flip side, white lies are also told to “protect” someone else from the truth. What if we stopped telling white lies and actually told the truth? Forced to accept our flaws, shortcomings, emotions, and accept things for what they really are. Telling the truth even when you don’t want to can make us better individuals and allow us to have healthier relationships with others.

Truth or Lie

You might think white lies are good because they protect you or someone else from some sort of negative attention or emotion. The fact though is that a lie is a lie no matter how you try to coat it, flip it or rationalize it. A lot of the time we lie about the most insignificant stupid shit. Why is telling your truth so unappealing? A few examples of typical white lies that we tell are: 

  • White Lie: “Sorry I’m late. Traffic was really bad.”  Truth: ” Honestly, I left my house later than I should have. Time management is something I’m trying to get better at. I apologize for making you wait” 
  • White Lie: ” Yeah, our kid was sick. Sorry we couldn’t make it.” Truth: ” We had another obligation that day. I’m sorry. I should have just let you know that we couldn’t make it to your party.” 
  • White Lie: ” No, nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.” Truth: ” What you did really upset me. I’ve been wanting to talk with you about it.”
  • White Lie: ” I didn’t see your text! My bad!” Truth: “I did get your text. To be honest, I just didn’t feel like talking at the time.”

What if we told the truth instead of hiding behind these more appealing white lies? Accepting the truth and letting others accept it as well. Instead, we use kids as scapegoats, blame lousy cell reception for the reason we didn’t get a text, or invisible traffic as the reason for being late. Why is owning up to our shit and being honest something we don’t hold each other more accountable for? Wouldn’t you rather someone be straight up with you instead of telling you what you want to hear? If you said yes, you should probably think about the white lies you tell. You can’t harp on others for their lies if you are continually telling them yourself.   

Liars are Everywhere 

I don’t know about you but I rather someone tell me the truth and run the risk of hurting my feelings than to lie and protect them. Relationships in all capacities should be built on honesty, and if you are constantly feeding someone lies, then that’s what your relationship will be built on. Research shows that 60% of people lie two or three times during a typical 10-minute conversation. Friends, coworkers, family, significant others, your neighbor, etc. It’s pretty safe to say that at least once a day you will have a conversation with someone who will lie to you. People lie about everything from what they did last weekend, how much money they have, their feelings, or about why they didn’t call you back. Some people lie to make others feel better while some lie to make themselves feel, sound or look better. The motives behind lying are so vast and deep that the reasons are endless. It’s pretty overwhelming to think about all the relationships you have with people that lie to you constantly.


Spotting a Liar

Some of us are better at spotting liars than others. I’m pretty proud of my bullshit detector. There have been times when someone has lied to me, and I know immediately. Either because I knew the truth, to begin with, their lie is just obvious bullshit or because of how they tell their lie. Some people excel at lying and others fucking suck. Both are equally shitty, but it helps if you know how to spot a lie so then you can decide if you want to call the person out or not. Some lies are worth calling out, but some might be worth asking the person why they feel the need to lie. I take mental notes of habitual liars, and they end up being someone I know I can’t trust. I tend to steer clear of these people and pull away from them. 

  • Take notice of their body language. People who can’t look you in the eyes or fidget a lot might not be telling you the truth. 
  • Those who evade questions or take longer than normal to respond might be thinking of a lie to tell. 
  • People who get angry. If someone gets upset when you dig for more information means that they might be mad that their lie is unraveling. 
  • People who tell you one thing but tell someone else something different. People who constantly change their stories are trying to keep their lie alive. 

Society Accepts Lying

Lying has become socially acceptable. It happens so much that we expect it and accept it. We have all been the liar and all been lied to. From enhancing social status to covering up lies; lying is a part of our every day. Could you image our world if everyone tried to be a little more honest? How much better our relationships and friendships would be. Being honest makes you accept YOUR truth. If you cannot be honest with yourself there’s no way you can be honest with other people. Accept your flaws, love yourself for who you are and try to change the things you don’t like. Becoming a better version of you can be an organic process and doesn’t need to be a mountain of lies. The next time you find yourself wanting to tell a ” little white lie” ask yourself why you don’t want to tell the truth. The truth is always better even if it doesn’t sound as good as the lie. 

How do you feel about white lies? Do you try to be an honest person most of the time? Please share your thoughts with us!

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Five Types of People to Avoid

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Who You Surround Yourself With Impacts Your Life

There are people who will have a positive impact on your life and others who will have a negative effect. Being picky about who you surround yourself with is an excellent trait to have. Some people are naturally negative, and they bring negative energy and situations to your life that you didn’t ask for. Being aware of these certain types of people can help you be more cautious and avoid them when possible. This is YOUR life, and nobody should be allowed to alter it negatively. It’s okay to be selfish with your time and who you spend it with!

Five People To Avoid

1. The Gossiper 

This person will always tell you more than you need to know. They always seem to have something or someone to talk about, and they have no reservations with openly telling this information to you. If someone can talk to you about someone, please be smart enough to know that they are probably doing it behind your back as well. Gossipers love to talk about drama which means they enjoy drama. Do you really want drama obsessed people in your life? No, I didn’t think so. Avoid this type of person at all costs. Gossipers can be extremely toxic to Iyou life. 

2. The Complainer

This person has a BILLION problems, and all they want to do is talk about them. Nothing is ever good enough, and there is ALWAYS something “wrong” in their life. They complain about anything and everything, and most of the time they do it for attention. They rather have a pity party then just be happy. These type of people can even up complaining about you when they run out of other shit to complain about. They are walking around with a storm cloud over their head, and they don’t mind taking their storm into your life. Avoid complainers and their negativity. It’s unhealthy, annoying and just too much pessimism to try to cope with. 

3. The Unmotivated 

This type of person loves to talk about things that they want to change about their life, but they never do it. They are talkers, but no do’ers. They never want to do anything outside of their comfort zone and get too comfortable in their ways. Someone who is not willing to try new things or make their life better will not be a positive influence in your life. You have to surround yourself with like-minded people. People that don’t want to advance, try new things or just change their lazy ways are not the best people to associate with. They will not support you and your endeavors, and they can bring you down to their lazy level. Don’t let them drain you of your motivation!

4. The Over-Agreeable 

At first, this type of person can come across as someone with good intentions. They are someone who always agrees with everything someone says or does. They want to come across as supportive like they are your personal cheerleader. The problem with this person is that they never keep it real. Their ability to agree with absolutely everything will eventually come off as fake. Fake people who act like they are everybody’s best friend are people you should definitely avoid. This is passive-aggressive behavior. Someone who is over-agreeable might say they agree with everything you say, but they probably don’t truly support you or care about you. BE AWARE!

5. The Liar

I saved the worst for last. Liars are horrible toxic people, and they usually cause a lot of heartache and pain. Liars can range from people who tell little lies about themselves or orthers to huge lies that are just plain mean and unforgivable.You can’t trust someone who would lie to your face and then not admit when they are wrong. This is not a friendship or relationship it’s just a bond built on lies and bullshit. Liars don’t care about who they hurt all they care about is making themselves get away with their lies. You want to surround yourself with people that are honest with themselves and you. Liars can’t be trusted. You definitely don’t need this type of person around you if you are trying to live a positive life!

Protect Yourself!

These types of people can be found just about everywhere. Coworkers, family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, or even people that you live with. Take notice of how certain people affect your mood and mindset. If people make you feel shitty about yourself or bring you down, then you need to remove them from your life. Life is too short to spend time with toxic people. Even if you only have 5 REAL friends and they are not one of these types of people, then you are winning! It’s about quality, not quantity! Be selective and don’t be afraid to tell one of these people why you cant associate with them anymore.

Share With Us!

Have you experienced one or all of these types of people?! How did YOU deal with them? Please comment and share!

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A Letter To My Younger Self

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Your Life is About to Change

Dear 17-year-old Jessica,

How are you girl? I know it’s been a pretty shitty past year. All you have been thinking about for the past two years is turning 18 and graduating. You know that once you graduate that you are free. Your senior year is supposed to be the best time of your life. The last big hoorah before you go out into the real world. But it has been anything but that. The things that you have already endured, unfortunately, won’t make sense until you get older. I know you moved out because you can’t stand your mom’s boyfriend. You’re living at a friends house and just trying to maintain so you can make it to graduation. I also know that you have no fucking clue about what you want to do with your life. Try to remind yourself that you don’t need to know all the answers right now. Some of the best things that will happen in your life won’t be planned. For the record, you made the right decision by leaving home. This decision is a turning point in your life that is going to lead you to be the independent woman that you are today.

The Next Five Years

For the past nine years, basketball has been a solid foundation in your life, but this is going to change. You are going to make some tough decisions that are going to take you down a different path. Everything serves its purpose, and when one passion dies, it allows you to explore new ones. Learn to be okay with this and have no regrets with your decisions, trust me, they will lead you where you need to go. If your instinct tells you to move to another state, do it. Embrace the unknown. You are going to meet someone who is going to give you a job opportunity. Take it. You won’t know it at the time, but it’s going to completely change your life and the money situation you will be struggling with. You will need to evaluate who you have in your life. Keep people in your life that add value to it. Don’t waste your time with people that affect your happiness or deter you from success.

There are going to be lots of people that will come into your life that stay longer than they should. Try to be more cautious with yourself and be okay with letting people go, even if it hurts. You are going to experience heartache, disappointment, deception, guilt, and confusion. Life is not going to be easy nor is it going to be a constant joyous party. One piece of advice, maintain a healthy lifestyle. Taking care of yourself is going to save you in more ways than one. Never stop loving yourself or taking care of yourself. No matter what anyone does to you or says to you. Always remember, that no one can love you like you can love yourself. You can be your best friend or worst enemy, don’t let anyone steal your self-worth or self-love.

It’s Going to Get Rocky

Your little sister is going to need you, and you are going to go through some complicated things together. When this time comes, it is going to knock your whole life out of balance. You might not be able to save her from the choices she is going to make, but you will be able to help her recover from them. Remember it is not your job to fix everyone and everything and sometimes all you can do is be there to support. You can only do so much for others, and you have to remember to still take care of yourself. Be fortunate for the people you will have in your life and those that will listen without judgment. Relationships will deteriorate with people that you couldn’t picture your life without. Bonds will also strengthen and grow through these difficult times. Take time to notice the balance of the good and bad that surrounds you. I promise you that you will get through this and you will be stronger and wiser for it.

And Jess, lighten up on your stepmom, please. I know you guys don’t see eye to eye on everything right now, but she loves you. Start hugging her and your Dad more often now. When you get older, you are going to realize that these two people will have your back and support you more than you can even fathom. Grandma is and will always be a vital part of your life. Never stop calling her and confiding in her. She will be your reasoning when you can’t make sense of the mess you might find yourself in.

The Rainbow at The End of The Storm

Over the next 13 years, you are going make some beautiful memories and unbelievable triumphs. I’m telling you this now because I hope that it makes you excited about the future even if you have no idea what’s coming next. I also want you to accept that all the people that you know right now, at this very moment, won’t be in your life in 13 years. Of all the people you consider your friends right now you will only TRULY know about 5 of them. Accept this now. You are going to go through phases where you are alone. You will make decisions that will take you to new places and further away from the place that you call home today. The people that are meant to stay in your life will and they will be friendships that will last through time and distance. The bright side? You are going to meet all kinds of new people and some of them will become your closest friends.

Me and my Bestie at my high school graduation

You are going to have amazing life accomplishments. I repeat, AMAZING. Family and friends will disappoint you and not be there for these moments in your life but love and appreciate those that will. You’re going to meet a man that thinks the world of you so don’t let too many tears fall for the ones that walk away. He is going to make you feel so beautiful that your ego will grow, don’t fight it or the way he makes you feel. You deserve it all.

Are you excited about your future now? You should be. It’s going to be the bumpiest ride of your life, but the destination is going to make you extremely happy. Now take that go-getter, “can’t nobody tell me shit” personality of yours out into the world. It’s time to grow up into the person you are meant to become.

Trust me; she’s pretty fucking amazing!

Love,
The 30-year-old Jessica

P.s. Don’t over-pluck your brows! Don’t drink and drive and stay away from assholes and catty bitches!

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