BestieTalks

self care

Managing Your Mental Health

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Taking Care of YOU

There are many facets to taking care of yourself. One of the most challenging aspects of our health is our mental health. Mental health is not something that is normally taught to children. We are told we need to exercise and eat healthily but how many times were we told how to handle our thoughts and mental health? Not many. We just go through life trying to navigate the countless thoughts and feelings we have, and most of the time we are hesitant to talk about them.  Why do we do this? It’s ok to talk about what you are feeling and your mental health is nothing to be ashamed of. Recognizing, accepting and doing what YOU need to do to be happy and in a positive headspace, is part of taking care of your mental health. Taking care of YOU matters.

Social Media & Mental Health

Social media is a huge contributor to the state of one’s mental health. I (Jess) deleted my Facebook more than a year ago and it alleviated so much social anxiety. I developed a love/hate relationship with social media but always felt like I “had” to keep it in order to stay in touch with people, stay up to date and to even stay relevant. It sounds silly in hindsight, but its the truth. It was hard at first but as time passed, I started to live more in the present moment instead of mindlessly scrolling. Ask yourself, ” How many of these people on my timeline TRULY care about me?” Why do we feel such a strong need to comment and like people’s pictures like we haven’t seen or physically spoke within years or maybe ever? Just because you used to know someone, doesn’t mean you still do. If social media for any reason causes you anxiety, sadness or feelings of inadequacy- take a break from it.  In my personal journey, I learned so much about myself once I disconnected from the toxicity of Facebook. I don’t know if I will ever go back to FB, but I’m happy and that’s all that matters to me right now.

Key Reminders:

  • Unfollow negative people or pages that make you feel down on yourself. 
  • Allow time to “disconnect” or take a social media detox and be in the present moment.
  • Remember that not everything is as it appears online.
  • You have no obligation to stay in touch with people who don’t stay in touch with you.
  • “Likes” and the number of friends really means nothing at the end of the day. It’s quality over quantity, ALWAYS!
  • If it does not bring you joy then do you really need it?

Recognizing How You Feel

We all live such busy and fast-paced lives that sometimes we forgot to slow down and just breathe. Taking the time to evaluate how you feel and gauge the status of your mental health is so important. This is called being mindful. We feel different every day and accepting that you will have bad days allows you to be proactive and manage them better. Notice when you are feeling emotions that interrupt your day in a negative aspect. Take the time to evaluate why you feel the way you do and what triggered it. Having these mindful pauses will help you evaluate your body. You are allowed to feel whatever it is that you feel. Nothing is wrong with you because your mental health is not 100% 24/7. No one is perfect and no one has the right to make you feel ashamed for feeling the way you do. Take notice of people who drain you of your energy. Pay attention to who is and isn’t there for you in a time of need. Recognize how you feel and what promotes a positive headspace. You are in control of your happiness and if you need to make a drastic change for the sake of your mental health and well being.. then do it and don’t worry about who might have something to say about it.

Key Reminders:

  • Take time for yourself to do the things that make you happy.
  • Remove toxic people and end toxic relationships (with friends, family, colleagues, etc).
  • Remind yourself of all the things/people/experiences you are thankful for.
  • Confide in someone that you trust and that won’t judge you. Find a positive outlet.
  • Learn to be okay with being alone sometimes.
  • Trust your gut feeling. 
  • Love yourself and let go of expectations and the need for acceptance from others.

Mindfulness

I (Ray) am required to be trained and teach Dynamic Mindfulness in the classroom to my students. We use these skills in order to teach them how to manage their stress, self-awareness, and self-regulation. The techniques are there for you to focus on your breathing as well as connecting your breath to movement and being in the moment. Dynamic Mindfulness has been proven to improve school and classroom climate as well as the well being and health of the students. All of these techniques and skills can be adapted to fit your everyday life and that is what we teach our students. The techniques we use can be done by anyone just about anywhere. We encourage them to use these skills whenever needed and hope they carry them into adulthood.

Take A Moment

Taking time for yourself and your mental health is not selfish. You are important! Taking time to be aware of the now, will help you realize what may be good for you and the things that are harmful to your mental health. Be mindful of your mental health and reach out to a professional for help. You never have to go through anything alone. Help is out there and we will happily lead you in the right place to better your mental health. We both have family members who suffer from depression, schizophrenia, bipolar and anxiety. We understand the havoc depression and anxiety can have on your life. You’re not alone – even if at times it might feel like it.

You are allowed to have bad days but you don’t have to go through them alone!

Please share how you deal with episodes of depression or what you have done/changed to better your mental health!

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Tips to Feel Instantly Happy

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Feeling Happy

We all go through moments of feeling down. Sometimes it can be hard to shake the funk but having some good tips and resources can help make shaking it easier. We are here to share some of our favorite ways to feel instantly happy! Try them out whenever you need them. 

  • Smile – Smiling can instantly boost your mood when you’re feeling down and blue. Smiling can be used as a stress and pain reliever lowers your blood pressure and can improve relationships. Smiling can be contagious, so don’t be afraid to smile at someone because they may need it just as much as you. 
  • Laugh – Laughing decreases your stress hormones and triggers a release of endorphins (we LOVE endorphins!). Whatever gets you laughing (comedies, jokes, watching funny YouTube videos), DO IT! You’ll instantly be forced to smile and start to feel better. Laughing produces endorphins which give you a natural high. 
  • Workout – Working out is another endorphin releaser. It can be something as simple as going for a run, walk, jump roping, yoga or stretching. Working out increases your energy levels and is an instant mood booster (along with so many other benefits) plus, you never regret it once you’re done.
  • Compliment Someone– Usually, when you compliment someone, they thank you and smile back. This leaves you with that good warm feeling inside. There are both mental and emotional health benefits from giving compliments or showing kindness, such as; decreased stress, pain, insomnia, and affects the immune system and production of serotonin.  
  • Call a Loved One – Call someone who is a positive and happy person. Your bestie, significant other, sibling, family member, or an old friend who you have been meaning to catch up with. Whoever you decide to call just make sure it is someone who is typically a positive and happy person who has a good conversation. Whatever you do, DON’T call someone who likes to complain or always has issues. These types of people will not help you. Whoever makes you smile by thinking of them is the person to call!
  • Clean – Cleaning up around the house can really clear your mind and make you happier. When you clean you are less likely to think about whatever it is that has you upset. Cleaning keeps you busy and gets your body moving which distracts you from being stuck in your head. Plus, a clean home is a wonderful way to promote happiness. 
  • Soak in the Tub – Take a nice long soothing bath or shower! Light some candles or incense, use a bath bomb or a few drops of lavender essential oil. Set the mood and just relax! Put away your phone and grab a book or a magazine or just listen to some music and let your mind wander. You could even throw on a comedy on Netflix while chillin’ in the bath. 
  • Food – Food is something that has a way to make almost anyone smile. Cooking a new or favorite recipe is a great way to get yourself out of a bad mood. If you don’t have the patience for cooking that day then go pick up your favorite meal or dessert. Treat yourself and I bet you will smile!
  • Meditate – Light some candles and just meditate. If you are not at home you can easily meditate on the go as well. Having a rough day at work? Go out to your car and just sit and relax for a few minutes or go for a walk and find a quiet area to just sit in silence. There are plenty of guided meditations online if you wanted to go a different route. Time alone for just 10 minutes can help bring you back to happiness and help you find balance. 
  • Animals and Kids – Animals and kids have a way of making you smile without even trying. Go visit your nieces/nephews if you don’t have children of your own. Speaking from experience, a Facetime with my nieces makes me laugh constantly. Kids are hilarious and have a way of making you forget all the grown-up shit you are worrying about. Animals have the same impact. Play with your cat or take your dog to the park. Don’t have any animals?  YouTube has animal videos galore! Also, certain cities have cat cafes where you can go and play with a dozen cats for $20! Maybe even go adopt a new cat or dog and have daily happiness for the next 10+ years 🙂
  • Music – Certain music can put you in a positive happy mood. This type of music may be different for everyone. Again, music is known to lower stress levels, enhances your mood, reduces depression, relaxes your body, and increases verbal intelligence. Find music that makes you happy or takes you to your happy place. Plus, dancing is a great way to promote happiness! Next time you’re feeling down just get up, blast some music and dance like nobody is watching!!

Do What Makes You Happy

We understand that every day is not going to be the greatest day of your life and that’s ok! Just believe in finding the best in every day regardless of the unpleasant circumstances we might find ourselves in. BestieTalks hope these tips will help you find your smile when you’re feeling down and out. Please share with us your favorite things to do to turn your mood and day around! We love learning new tips!

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You Deserve To Be Proud

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Too Proud for Some People

Being proud of yourself and your accomplishments is easy for some but hard for others. If you are “too happy” or “too successful” a lot of people interpret that as bragging, fake, or even as a lie. Some people might even develop negative feelings towards you because of your accomplishments. Does that mean you should not talk about your happiness and success? No, absolutely not. Just because others don’t know how to be happy for you, doesn’t mean you should stop being happy for yourself. Do YOU and be PROUD!

Backward Perceptions

It can be hard to not care about what others think of you. We live in a world where people thrive on likes (literally) and notifications that let them know others approve of them. Why are we so hungry for the approval of others? Why do we let other people determine our worth and happiness? Did you get that promotion to make others happy? No. You did it for YOU. Did you work your ass off to get your degree to make others happy? No. You did it for YOU. Did you find someone who loves you and treats you like a queen to make others happy?

No! What most people fail to acknowledge is the grind you had to put in to get that promotion. The hours of homework on top of working and handling all your other responsibilities was NOT easy. The number of assholes you had to go through and the tears you shed until you found someone who loves you like you deserve to be loved. All of your happiness and accomplishments were not just dumped into your lap. You worked hard, and most people have no idea the hell you had to endure. You deserve to be proud, happy and in love.

Self-Love is Not Narcissist

A lot of people get jealous of the success that they have yet to achieve. It’s not a race, but the ones who act like it is, are usually the ones losing. I’m not competing with anyone but myself. And if you are one of those people, put that energy into something you can do to improve your own life. Then you’ll understand the amazing feeling of accomplishing something you’ve been striving for. You deserve to be proud of what you worked so hard to achieve.

Be Proud of Yourself and Others

Next time you accomplish something your proud of, be PROUD! And when you see others proud of their accomplishments, cheer them on. Cause we all know that feeling when someone acknowledges your hard work and why not share that with others. being proud is a natural happy experience so don’t let anyone dull your shine.   

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5 Goals For 2019- How To Successfully Focus On The Things That Matter To You

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Setting Goals That are Achievable

Every New Year people all around the world make resolutions. But how many of those resolutions do people successfully achieve? Instead of making “resolutions” this year we are going to set goals. Goals that we know are achievable if we put in the right amount of time and commitment. The goals that we will be setting will be goals that will not only improve our lives but also bring happiness and self-love. Goals you decide to set for yourself can range from easy to difficult but they should never be unattainable. The goal is not to set yourself up for failure but to set yourself up for a challenge. A challenge to better yourself and your life. 

5 Goals for 2019

  1. Travel: Traveling is something that we both love. Traveling allows you to experience new places, cultures, things ideas, and people. Traveling can be a break from your everyday life and can become an escape for fun and the opportunity to make new memories. A lot of people associate traveling with being expensive- and yes it can be very expensive but there are ways to travel on a budget as well. You don’t need to leave the country to have a new experience ( but if you have the opportunity to do so- DO IT! ). We love picking new cities to meet in and have mini vacations exploring a new place. If you want to focus on going somewhere new, start following prices on flights and looking at hotels and start budgeting. We do this for all our trips. Once you find the flight at an unbeatable price, purchase it and the rest will begin to fall in place. Traveling can be as simple as a road trip to the mountains or as grand as hiking Mount Everest. Whatever your travel goal is, set it and start working towards it piece by piece. Together, we hope to explore new cities, swim at new beaches and indulge in a culture foreign to us.
  2. Self Care: This is a particular goal that we believe EVERYONE should make. This goal can mean so many different things which is why it is such a practical goal. For 2019, our self-care is going to consist of surrounding ourselves with positive people, maintaining our fitness routines, fueling our body with healthy food and making time for ourselves. Treat yourself to a massage more than one time a year, take more bubble baths, be okay with telling people “no” when you rather stay home and get a good nights rest. I tend to be my own worst critic and I fully intend on loving myself more this year. Self Love = Self Care. Loving yourself does not make you a narcissist or self-absorbed. Loving yourself helps make the best version of you shine through. Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different. Love yourself this new year more than you EVER have!
  3. BestieTalks: We launched BestieTalks in March 2018. Over the past 9 months, we have learned so much about ourselves and our abilities. We are excited to continue our BestieTalks journey to see what we can accomplish this year. We got cute matching planners that come with daily, weekly, and monthly goals. We have our goals set for January and we intend on achieving every single one. What we don’t achieve in one month will carry over to the next month until that goal is met. We are also attending our first BlogHer conference in a few weeks and cannot wait to network with other bloggers. Starting off the new year by attending a blogging conference is the perfect way for us to kick off a fresh new year of making BestieTalks the best it can be!  
  4. Life: Outside of BestieTalks we also have personal life goals. Jessica plans on starting the hunt for her next position that she wants to pursue within her company. She is ready to put her degree to use and take on a position with more responsibility and a role where she can learn new things. Ray is looking forward to finishing her degree and applying for different positions in her career, while also enjoying the last year in her selfish 20’s. We both hope to grow our families but that is all in its own time. Staying in touch and seeing more family is an important goal for us. Life gets crazy and people begin to get wound up in their own things but family means so much, so it’s necessary to keep them as a high priority.  
  5. Love: Love means so many things to us. Our spouse, families, pets, friends etc. but this year our goal is to spread as much love as we can to others and to ourselves. Acts of love and kindness to those we know and don’t know are so important, especially in today’s world. Love is something we plan to focus on every day this year. Reach out to that person that you have been thinking about, or pick up a thoughtful card and mail it to a family member or friend. This year we plan to focus on things and people that matter to us. Focus our attention and energy on projects/goals that we love because time goes by too quickly to waste time on things that we don’t love. This year, love is what we want to spread!

You got This!

We try to look at our goals as lifestyle changes instead of resolutions. After the hype of the new year dies off so does the excitment of resolutions. Instead, try to keep up the motivation by looking at your goals as permament changes in your life. If it’s important to you now, then it should still be important to you 6 months from now. Pick some goals and stick with them! YOU GOT THIS!

 

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13 Health & Fitness Tips for the Office

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Health and Fitness Tips for the Office

Working in an office for 8 hours a day takes a toll on your body. I have worked in the corporate office environment for almost 12 years and have personally experienced the downside of this working style. Working long hours in front of a computer is not suitable for anyone, but it’s mandatory for a lot of people. Over the years I have adopted new techniques and tricks to help balance out the side effects of working in an office. 

13 Tips

  1. Get up often to take breaks/short walks. Get moving! Maintain a steady amount of steps throughout your day. 
  2. Sit on a balance ball chair ( if your company allows them ).When I am in the office, I sit on my balance ball for the entire 8 hours. It helps with posture and core. Makes you more aware of your body. Swapping out your chair for a balance ball for just a few hours will make a HUGE difference!
  3.  Pack and bring your own lunch and snacks. Eating out constantly is expensive and can be unhealthy. It’s more cost effective and healthy to bring your own food.
  4.  Keep healthy emergency snack options at your desk. There’s nothing worse than getting hungry at 3:30 pm and all that’s available is a vending machine. I keep snacks like oatmeal, granola bars, or veggie chips in my desk for desperate times. Trust me- it will save you one day!
  5.  Eat your lunch AWAY from your working area. I often sit outside or going walking outside during my lunch. It’s not a good idea to eat lunch at your desk. Change of scenery is good for your mind and getting your body moving is perfect for a mid-day break.
  6.  Drink lots of water. At work, all I drink is water or green tea. NEVER soda. I drink a lot of water throughout the day. Also keeps me keeping up to go pee. Staying hydrated and getting up for those quick/short breaks every hour is an added bonus! Yay for water!
  7.  Mental health and well-being are equally essential. Work is stressful. There are days when you don’t want to be there, coworkers piss you off etc. I keep a clean and well-maintained desk. Keeping a clean and organized work environment makes for a positive attitude. I also keep stress balls and putty available in my office. I also have a low powered oil diffuser on my desk as well. Nothing like peppermint of lavender oil to calm you down during a rough workday. Take time to make your workspace fit for YOU!
  8.  Resistance bands are great for the office! Use them around your ankles, calves or thighs under your desk! People might notice and crack some jokes but at least you will be toning your legs while on the clock! You can get some on Amazon for pretty cheap. One of my favorite sneaky fitness tips for the office.

    Don’t be forced to eat crap food! Pack your own lunch!
  9.  Keep some sneakers in your trunk. If the weather is nice, go outside for a walk on your break. I also keep a little blanket In my car so I can sit on the grass outside and catch some rays. A little walking and vitamin D makes me happy and ready to knock out the rest of the day!
  10. Do some squats! Pick a reoccurring time to knock out some squats throughput your day. You can do 25 squats every time you eat a snack or meal or 30 every time you use the restroom (if you’d rather do it in private). By the end of the day, you will have easily knocked out 100 squats and on your way to a perkier booty.
  11. Keeping some light weights or even a heavy paperweight around can help you tone your arms. There are so many exercises you are able to do in the comfort of your desk even while sitting. 
  12. Since you’re in front of a computer so much, use it for your health. The internet is an amazing resource when it comes to health and fitness. You can look up exercises, recipes, videos and pictures on how to perform an exercise, healthy food alternatives, or even search for a workout group to try. Just make sure you don’t spend too much time researching during work hours.
  13. STRETCH! Take the time to do some shoulder, arm and neck stretching. You can do this seated or stand up. Office yoga is possible!

Balance is Key

These tips are just a few options on how to switch up your workday. Whatever you do to balance out your job and personal well being is up to you. It’s vital that you listen to your body and how you are feeling. What works for one person might not be suitable for another and vice versa. Try some things out and see how you feel. If you eat right, get some exercise and take care of yourself mentally then your days will be better. Making money is important but caring for yourself is even more important!

Please share your tips on getting through your work day. What tricks do you have that make working in an office easier on your body and mind?

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